Let’s face it, we’re all a little fucked up before we even get to the point where we’re looking for a relationship. For the most part, our parents loved us and did the best they could, but their own parents might not have been the perfect role models when it came to teaching love and security.
You’ll find there’s a lot of baggage to navigate, and we need to find ways to do it together. Let me save you a bit of time and heartache by shining a flashlight on some of the fundamental things you should focus on.
The 7 qualities a real man looks for in a woman will help guide what you should be developing while looking for the perfect relationship. If you’re a woman, which of these do you need to improve on? And if you’re a man, which of these points do you feel you couldn’t handle in a woman? If something is triggering your insecurity, it means it’s time to shore up your strength and resilience.
Planting the seeds of awareness and change is the first step to achieving the love you’re looking for. Let’s begin!
1 – A woman who is emotionally strong. Did you know little boys cry more than girls? Males are sensitive their entire lives but we squash their emotions with societal expectations. Again, big boys don’t cry, right? Whereas girls have always been encouraged and even expected to cry. It’s not fair, and it’s no wonder males have higher rates of suicide and addiction; they haven’t been allowed the opportunity to let their feelings run their course like we have.
Men appreciate a woman who is strong enough to have the patience, nurturing, and love to see them through their own emotional tough times and allow them to grow through them. They appreciate the safe place women provide to grow and become a better man. Love is about giving space without judgement and offering forgiveness when the journey takes us down rough roads, and being able to grow together is what truly bonds two people in love.
Not that women won’t have their own moments where they need a man’s emotional support. It just means they have the ability to be ready, willing, and able to support him when he needs it too. We have to be able to take turns being the pillar of strength in the relationship.
2 – A woman who has weaknesses. I know it sounds counter-intuitive to the first point, but I like a little shock value now and then. Here’s what I mean by this: a man is protective by nature and still has an instinct to defend his mate. He wants to be with a woman who has vulnerabilities he can protect and nurture, because they help him feel needed in the relationship. A woman who doesn’t allow a man to take care of her in any way gives the impression there’s no role for him in her life.
I’m not saying women should quit their job and become dependent on men. I’m saying let him kill those spiders, even if you could kill them yourself. Find something he, and only he, can tend to for you. Big or small, there has to be something he’s “the man for the job” in your life. At the very least, allow him to be the one who can hold you and say “everything will be all right” when you’re upset.
Being able to lean on each other exclusively in some areas, no matter how minor, cements his sense of companionship. This is gives him the impression he has a special place with his mate, growing his love and commitment.
3 – A woman who is feminine. Let’s face it, a man just wants to feel like a man, and having a woman by his side who can play up her femininity helps him achieve just that. He’ll still love to see her slap on rubber boots and muck through the trenches to catch some wicked trout, but when she comes out of the bathroom all dolled up for a night on the town he’s going to say to himself, “That’s right, that’s a woman who shows the world I’m her man!”
Watch his chest puff out, his eyes light up with appreciation, and how he smiles when he sees her because she’s made him feel like a million and one dollars just by looking like a million herself.
4 – A woman who doesn’t need him. And by need I mean clingy. Repeat after me, a man is a prettier version of a caveman. His instinct to hunt and chase is still there, it’s just being exercised in ways like finding the perfect deal on a car. But that’s not all he wants to chase, and a woman who keeps the hunt going excites his brain.
Part of his thrill happens in the effort it takes to convince a woman she needs him around. Men love women they can occasionally pursue, and giving him the moon one day and taking a personal day the next keeps him guessing and thinking.
5 – A woman who will challenge him. Men are curious by nature and love being with women who regularly expand who they are. This keeps them from feeling the relationship is mundane and they love the added spice every time she introduces something new.
It doesn’t matter what she pursues and educates herself on; what matters is how much it fires her up talking about it. Bringing home the new and exciting things she’s filling her mind and soul with gives him an added opportunity to expand his own mind.
Having opinions on what she learns and what he shares with her will keep him on his toes. Plus, the thrill of watching her evolve will inspire deeper feelings and give him the sense he too can change, and that change is okay and nurtured in a relationship.
6 – A woman who is confident. This is numero uno when it comes to attracting and keeping a man! Men don’t want to spend every minute with a woman trying to convince her she’s as amazing as they believe. They appreciate a woman who knows her own value and qualities and allows a man to be the icing on her cake, rather than force him to be a constant cheerleader.
Men want to find out what makes her amazing and love her for it, so Ladies, be confident in your worth and allow a man to love you the way you are. If you’re lacking this, nothing else will matter because you don’t love yourself enough to BE loved. If need to, practice the “fake it ‘til you make it” method by not verbalizing any insecurities. You’ll find they’ll fade into the background while you let him love you.
And I don’t mean shed all of your insecurities, although wouldn’t that be great?! I have insecurities too, but I’ll show 1/1,000 of them to my husband because I don’t want to discolour his view of me with my own skewed vision. We are our own worst enemies, I’m well aware of that, but you don’t have to push someone else’s impression of you in the gutter just because of your own beliefs that your hair is too frizzy or your tummy doesn’t tuck enough.
Confidence is the ability to shoulder your own self-image and move forward despite anything you think holds you back. It’s the ability to let your goals override your uncertainty, to charge forward with power instead of reacting to doubt. Be confident DESPITE any nagging voices in your head!
Step into the exquisiteness your partner sees; rise up and be loved! Let go of your fears and advance into a space where you are cherished and appreciated. I know you want to.
7 – A woman who is independent. A real man is out there in the world, conquering. He wants to be with a woman who is doing her own conquering, whether it’s in business or pleasure. Being with a woman who has ambition to succeed and independent passions gives him peace of mind knowing she’s not hinging her whole world on him, and the knowledge she’s keeping herself fulfilled while he’s taking care of his own fulfillment gives him comfort.
I’m not saying she shouldn’t t plan to be home when he is if that’s what you both like, but maintain your own interests aside from your relationship, and have something that rounds you out so all your financial, mental, and emotional eggs aren’t in one basket. Your partner will want you to feel like a whole person.
Emotionally strong, yet vulnerable. Feminine/Masculine, yet powerful. Intelligent and confident. Embody these qualities and you will become a partner who can not only win over any amazing person, but be able to achieve and adapt to anything you want from life. You’ll love yourself so much that love will not just flow, but gush towards you, as per the laws of attraction. Intimacy is love in its purest form, and it can only be shared when your doors are wide open to everything life has to offer.
Chantal Heide, Canada's Dating Coach, is a firm believer in the power of love, and finds joy creating deep, intimate love that’s achievable both in oneself and with others. She helps people uncover the truth in their value, creating an inner satisfaction that resonates far and wide and attracts quality people who only expand on the joy of life. All her clients report significant increases in their sense of peace, happiness, and clarity within the first two weeks… and they only go up from there. Her techniques, though based on helping individuals achieve relationship goals, bleed into other areas of her clients’ lives and create improvements on multiple levels, including work and family life. Check out www.canadasdatingcoach.com for more information!